Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
