wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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