Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
