11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
