its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
