shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
