i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
