I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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