Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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