who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
