Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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