States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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