I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
