alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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