I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
