I puked a lego.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
