How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
