Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize