I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
