What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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