It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
