The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
