Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
