I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
