Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
