the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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