somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
