her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
