I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
