got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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