my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm way too hungover for life right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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