It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
