I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
