Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize