So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
