They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bring money and cleavage
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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