There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
