nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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