Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she smelled like a LAN party
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
