Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
