drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
