Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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