Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
