i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
