well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
