Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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