it was like his penis was on wheels.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
