are you still at the devil's house?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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