I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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