I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
