I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
