My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
