mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
