i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize