she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
