i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just pee around me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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