rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
