im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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