I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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