hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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