I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
