brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
