I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
