I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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