I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
