His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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