he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
