I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
