WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drake has all the answers
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
