How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
