Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
