You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
