I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
