He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
