For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
