I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize