I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize