As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
