Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
