chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
