o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was born a porn star she said
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
