Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
