She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
