last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
