Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
