So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
