I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
