Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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