3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
