He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
