literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
