Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
