yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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