You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
